Care warning: This story discusses mental health issues.

It’s R U OK? Day – reminding us to check in with our friends, family, workmates and anyone else in our lives who may be struggling. This year, we also want to talk about how important it is to show that same kindness and care to ourselves. We spoke with Dr Melinda – a psychologist who works with residents at our Maryknoll Therapeutic Community – for suggestions on mental health self-care today, and every day.

Today gives us a prompt to ask other people if they’re OK. Why is it so important we ask ourselves the same question?
To connect meaningfully with others, we first need to be able to connect with ourselves and how we feel. When we are better able to identify how we feel, and the kind of experiences that are linked to that feeling for us, we are better able to recognise those feelings in others and to put ourselves in their shoes when they share their experiences.

We are often so busy, running on autopilot just to get through the day, that we may not notice when we are upset or anxious or even hungry. Over time, if we are not attending to our basic needs, we wear ourselves down. 

Checking in with ourselves throughout the day helps us stay connected to ourselves and notice when we need to take care of ourselves, and in what way.

What sort of things can we look out for in ourselves that suggest we need to practice some self-care, including reaching out for support?
When we find ourselves snapping at people we love, losing patience easily, wanting to hide from the world, losing interest in things we usually love, feeling overwhelmed, crying easily, experiencing chronic unexplained stomach aches or headaches, or struggling with sleep – all of these can be clues that we may not be OK and need to take some time out to look after ourselves.

When we feel like this, we need to ‘HALT’ and first check that all our basic needs have been met recently by asking ourselves “am I…?”

• Hungry (or thirsty)? – Eat a snack or drink a glass of water.
• Angry or anxious? – Ask ourselves what has made us feel unsafe or threatened.
• Lonely? – Ring a friend or neighbour, say hi to the person at the supermarket checkout or go to a dog park.
• Tired? – Have a nap.

If we address all the basics and still find ourselves struggling, it may be time to reach out to someone.

Ok – so when we’re not feeling great, who can we talk to about getting some help?
Sometimes you will need the support of a mental health professional, but not always. Sometimes you have all the answers inside you and the thing you need is someone to provide the space for you to get it out of your head and talk it through or be your sounding board.

If there is someone you know and trust who is really good at listening and reflecting back what they hear – a friend, a family member, a neighbour, a teacher – reach out! Let them know things are feeling a bit tough, and ask them if you could have a chat with them.

It might mean that this R U OK? Day, you take the invitation when someone asks you “R U OK?” and say “No, not really”.

If you’ve been struggling for a while, or there’s no one in your life right now who you feel comfortable talking to about what you’re struggling with, you could reach out to a phone-based or online support service (see list at the end of this story for a start). 

You could also start with a no-cost mental health assessment and follow-up phone call with a mental health professional by contacting MindSpot on 1800 614 434. If you are feeling really unsafe, really unwell, or suicidal, please call 000.

Are there any places to get mental health information and resources we can check out too?
A good place to look is the Victorian Government’s Current mental health resources and support services webpage. It’s got a lot of services you can learn about and contact.

Finally, many of us will reach out to others today – and every day – to ask if they’re OK. What tips can you suggest to help everyday people feel ready to check in on others, and respond helpfully?
First ask yourself if you’re OK to make sure you have the time and energy to give to someone else who may need help.

Helping other people has been shown to improve our own mental wellbeing – to a point. If we regularly give to others at the expense of ourselves, it can eventually wear us down and have the opposite effect, or lead to resentment and harm valued relationships.

As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

More information

Below are some 24-hour hotlines and services you can reach out to, keep in mind or share with a friend.

Lifeline
Crisis support and suicide prevention services, so that nobody has to face their darkest moments alone.
Call: 13 11 14
Text: 0477 131 114
www.lifeline.org.au

DirectLine
Counselling, information and referral service alcohol or drug-related issues.
Call: 1800 88 8236
www.directline.org.au

BeyondBlue
Information and support for anxiety, depression and suicide prevention for everyone in Australia.
Call: 1300 22 4636
www.beyondblue.org.au

Kids Helpline
Telephone counselling service for people aged between 5 and 25.
Call: 1800 55 1800
www.kidshelpline.com.au

Family Drug Support
Support for people affected by a family member’s drug or alcohol use.
Call: 1300 36 8186
www.fds.org.au

SHARC Family Drug & Gambling Helpline
Providing practical help, information and support to families and friends affected by someone’s drinking, drug use or gambling.
Call: 1300 60 0068

Other useful resources

Official R U OK? Conversation resources
Explores how to prepare for a conversation, ask, listen, encourage action and check in.
www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask

Getting prepared to ask: “R U OK?”
A story we shared last year (2022) on R U OK? Day
www.windana.org.au/getting-prepared-to-ask-r-u-ok/